“When a man is tired of life on his 21st birthday it indicates that he is rather tired of something in himself” - F Scott Fitzgerald
21.. An age, a time of our lives when feeling messed up becomes a habit when confusion becomes our A-Game. On some days, we are out, still celebrating our newfound independence from the age of 18 and also excited about beginning the actual adult chapter of our lives but on some days, there is a bit of resentment after realising that we can no longer be the naïve 13-year-olds, pampered and protected by our school /college boundaries. The changing dynamics with our best friends or our family, the constant conflict between our newfound selves and the fixed childhood voices of our elders along with the huge leap from a pond to the ocean can be sometimes a bit to take in and might overwhelm one at first but does it really get that difficult? Does the journey really get uphill as soon as we are in the early ’20s? This blog will cover aspects of herd mentality and pressure, relationships and the mindset required to not waste such a magical and crucial so let’ get on with the rest of the article and hopefully, you could relate to the same.
21.. An age, a time of our lives when feeling messed up becomes a habit when confusion becomes our A-Game. On some days, we are out, still celebrating our newfound independence from the age of 18 and also excited about beginning the actual adult chapter of our lives but on some days, there is a bit of resentment after realising that we can no longer be the naïve 13-year-olds, pampered and protected by our school /college boundaries. The changing dynamics with our best friends or our family, the constant conflict between our newfound selves and the fixed childhood voices of our elders along with the huge leap from a pond to the ocean can be sometimes a bit to take in and might overwhelm one at first but does it really get that difficult? Does the journey really get uphill as soon as we are in the early ’20s? This blog will cover aspects of herd mentality and pressure, relationships and the mindset required to not waste such a magical and crucial so let’ get on with the rest of the article and hopefully, you could relate to the same.
it’s totally fine to feel confused at 21
Where do I belong to? Should I continue lying down all day or should I start working to prove my worth? Should I talk and behave all childish and kiddish in front of everyone or should I put on my matured front? These are just Some of the questions that are common at this age and haunt us in the near future. Also, I just don’t understand the fuss about internships and jobs as soon as one is in this age group. There are obviously a majority of those who actually want to do it for their growth and experience and credibility aspect, so Good for them! But I am sure that there are a lot of 21-year-olds out there like me who are just not interested in working like RIGHT NOW.
I mean no one is forcing me or anyone to start interning but there is an unspoken obligation or pressure around and a sense of guilt surely arises ( it did within me) when we see our friends or classmates already working. When I saw some of my mates already working, It definitely made me feel like a helpless adult/kid who will lag behind others in the near future. But soon after, I realised that all this pressure is senseless and for all the 20-21 y/o out there or the teenagers soon approaching the age, it’s totally fine if you still want to chill out and treat college like school.
It’s totally fine if you don’t want to work as soon as college is about to get over. It’s totally normal to still be dependent on your parents if you want some money to go out on a date or buy something unlike the west where the values of independence and adulthood are so exaggerated and taken seriously that 13-15 y/o are already on the verge of becoming an adult and there’s no need to speak about the people in their early 20’s but this is a blanket statement so I am speaking only for those whom I have known and seen and not for everyone. When we are 21, we are just an extended cut of our teenage chapter, so the need to immediately change our lifestyle and act like we are a decade older is foolish.The buildings around, the people around, the society football ground are all the same and we really do have a lot of time. There’s absolutely no need to panic or rush ourselves or drown oneself in self-pity for nothing.
one of the best years of our life
But this can be the time of our life when if we really, really work on ourselves, discover our actual voice, our passion, leave the superficiality behind and start doing whatever the heck we really want to do, be it going to a completely new city by our own or leaving studies(if it really will be beneficial) or a storyteller or a side business of any kind ( legal of course), it would really do us wonders. I don’t know if you are still reading this, but if you have reached this far, remember the energy one has at this stage in life, is unbelievable and if you really leave all the lethargy and negativity behind, you would not want to waste a single minute of a day, trust me. Introspection plays a crucial role at 21. If we really WANT to grow through what we go through, if we learn about the importance of savings, the importance of not buying luxury items just for the sake of getting approval from others when there is not enough money to buy food in the house, trust me, we will be doing ourselves the biggest favour because habits take time to become concrete and with the mind constantly evolving at this age, it might not be such a bad idea after all.
don’t lose yourself in relationships
No one wants to stay in a confused and complex relationship with anyone, be it friends or family. When we enter our twenties, we might get shocked by the rapidly changing dynamics with our close friends from school and even parents. Although childhood friends start drifting apart right after a few months from school graduation and turn into weekly or monthly buddies, the 21st year of our lives made me realize how shallow and directionless, a relationship can become no matter how strong. I realized for the first time in my life that I really am my only best friend and the quote: ‘We’re born alone, We live alone, We die alone’ actually started making sense to me. There are a lot of conflicts at this age with our parents. I certainly argue, a lot sometimes because of my developed voice, my own opinions, my own conscience but that doesn’t mean that I fight with them every minute just for the sake of proving my newfound maturity. Healthy conflicts and arguments are normal and there’s no need to feel guilty or shameful because it’s a clash between Us, young adults learning to stick to our opinions and the Parents, learning to cope with the fact that we are no longer the innocent 14-year-olds although the childishness hopefully remains.
What I realized about “21”
So, let’s go back to 2019. I was 20 at the time and I was 6 months into college. I had won the title of Mr Freshers so I was on a high. I tried everything from an anchoring an event to event management to dancing in several fests to modelling, I tried my hands on everything just to bring out that one spark or voice which would say “Finally, this is my passion”. But despite experiencing and learning so much about life and myself, I was still unable to find that one passion, that truly defined me and gave me my own Bar code(if that makes any sense). As a result, I started hearing and seeing these extremely faint voices and projections in my head of Insecurity, Uncertainty or feeling lost ( not dramatizing at all) but still, they didn’t overpower me in the initial stages.
But, Over the months, I certainly matured all of a sudden as I turned 21 and these voices turned into concrete, daily thoughts and this is where I started experiencing the uncertainty of a 21-year-old. Add to this, a couple of lines such as “Abhi toh bacche ho,sab abhi hi karloge” and “You are not a kid anymore, you have to realize certain things, act responsibly and gather your thoughts, we(parents) are not getting any younger” and you have an almost perfect recipe for a messed up, confused, 21-year-old.
Somewhere in the back of my head, I knew that these thoughts aren’t productive and I am not supposed to waste my early 20’s in self -pity or feeling lost.I realized that thinking unnecessarily about the future or the past or comparing myself with the other small fishes in the ocean would result in a demotivated, lethargic 21-year-old me. So what’s the solution? Cut to January 2020 and I made it a point to reassure and affirm myself every day by standing in front of the mirror and telling myself that “Wait, I am neither a 30 year old right now nor am I a 10 year old. I am at my peak form, I am still a kid but I have developed enough conscience, awareness and integrity which would help me deal with the world. My parents are still young, I have been blessed since I can afford the necessities. Luckily, I have discovered my passion at such an early age and I have the privilege and freedom to start from zilch, go to any city, country or college to build my creative career or my brand. Obviously, I am full of energy right now and I am not scared of the world so what’s the pressure and hopelessness about? I have a good relationship with my inner self and I am doing something with my life while also chilling out with my gang and playing ps4 for hours without any preoccupied mind or any interruption and going out on dates. So relax and try to keep yourself together, period.”
By:
Yashaarth Singh Mukherjee
BA(J&MC)-5th Semester (ASCO)